Thursday, February 2, 2012

Snowflake Syndrome

This week has been a trial for me.

I had what I like to call the "snowflake syndrome" for the last few days. Snowflake syndrome is basically when I feel like I'm not doing as well as I should, like I'm not living up to expectations (others or mine), and when I feel like I'm not going to make it. I get the name from Fight Club...

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.  You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile.  ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 17

When I say I'm not going to make it I don't mean in some sort of emo girl, "I hate myself" kind of way. I mean I plan on getting out of Oklahoma, preferably to NYC, but this week has just been one of those that beat you down and make you re-evaluate your plans. Luckily, I am resilient. I am so determined to do well and have a good life that it's just going to make me work harder.

I'm not one of the lucky people who just get design without trying. Everything I've accomplished and done I've had to push myself forward. This is just a bump in a long road. Natural talent will probably get a lot of people further than I may ever get, but I'm not going to give up.

I love what I'm going to school for. Just because I haven't perfected my skills, or found my niche yet doesn't mean I won't be good. It just means I'm going to have to keep my drive and strive for what other people have naturally.

Snowflake syndrome never lasts forever. Especially when I work so hard to turn up the heat (wah wah).

I've improved so much since I started out. I'm only going to work my ass off to get better.

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